Guest Post: Super Lucky Charms

I have a special treat for you today: a guest blogger! Richard from HumorOutcasts was a high school classmate of mine. When he mentioned that he would be willing to eat any of the dishes I describe on this site if I paid him $100, I was touched.  He assured me that, though not a professional chef, he has a superb mastery of the culinary arts, and I believed him.

I give you: Richard.


Sandi and I are great friends. We never let any more than 24 years or so go between conversations, even if the last one might have been: “Hey, um, did you drop this pencil?” So when she mentioned that I might be able to write a guest spot on her blog, I jumped at the chance. Yes, I am professional writer who has earned over $20 over his lifetime, but I didn’t think I should rest on my laurels. So I wrote up one of my favorite recipes and told Sandi I had something for her to post.

Me: “I’ve got something to post for my guest blog spot!”

Sandi: “What? Oh, I was just being polite. That’s not necessary.”

Me: “But I spent 12 minutes on it.”

Sandi: “No… really, it’s quite all right.”

But once I explained that I was a professional writer, whose work can be found at the insanely popular HumorOutcasts, soon there was an awkward silence…followed by lot of crying and apologizing, which soon became begging. And finally, once I agreed to stop crying and never bother her again, she agreed to post my recipe.

When it comes to my own library of recipes, I like to focus on quality over quantity. Today I’m going to share with you one of my favorites:



*  Box of Lucky Charms (preferably one with some kind of toy inside, or at least a maze or some trivia on the back)
*  Package of Pre-cooked bacon (why not?)

Open the package of bacon and separate 2 slices of bacon. Cook those first so that you can eat bacon as soon as possible. Then cook the remaining package of bacon and eat that. Now you are ready for the main course.

The average box of Lucky Charms maintains a ratio of “tasty marshmallow stuff”-to-“brown healthy stuff” of about 1-to-4. This simply will not do.You might be lucky to have a bowl of these, but wouldn’t you rather be “super lucky”?

Get the largest bowl in the house. Measure out 4 cups of marshmallow bits. Pour them into the bowl. Measure out 4 cups of the healthy brown stuff. Throw three of the cups into your dog’s food bowl or the bird feeder. Put the remaining cup in the bowl. Mix thoroughly to dilute brown stuff.

You probably remember the leprechaun saying “pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, and green clovers”! Turns out that the lineup is now pink hearts, red balloons, orange shooting stars, rainbows, maybe that’s a horseshoe… and I don’t know what that yellow one is, but it’s magically delicious. It doesn’t matter. Alternatively, you could separate out the marshmallow types and use an equal number of each… but if you did that, what on earth is wrong with you?

Add milk at your preference. Season with powdered sugar to taste.

1 serving.


  • Chewie
    April 18, 2012 - 9:10 AM | Permalink

    I believe that you have to add either whole milk, half-and-half, or some combination of the two. NOW it’s magically delicious!

    • April 18, 2012 - 10:09 AM | Permalink

      Or maybe buttermilk. It seems like you’d have to make sure you got enough fat in there too, since you already ate the bacon.

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