I just got back from a business trip to Colombia. You will be pleased to know that because of the constant attention of four bodyguards, a bullet-proof car, and an approximate net worth of $50, I was not kidnapped. I was, however, fed, gargantuan proportions of food, approximately six times a day, with an average of four desserts per sitting (I do not exaggerate). To the right you can see a photo of what was an appetizer…that came before the appetizer that came before the main courses followed by the four desserts. By the end of the trip, I was simply too fat to be kidnapped — no kidnapper could possibly afford to keep me alive given my new nutritional requirements. One of my most enjoyable experiences included shopping for handbags at a mall while accompanied by bodyguards. I believe the appropriate word for that is “weird”.