I haven’t been cooking much this week because I’ve had the flu. And I have to make this quick because the Ny-Quil is kicking in.

Anyway, when you have the flu there isn’t much you can do but lie in bed and hope you pass out for the first couple of days, and then lie around being too sick to do anything active but too alert to think about nothing for the next couple of days (plus watch Downton Abbey). So I reverted to my innate competency and started shopping around for a handbag.

I got the feeling that it should be yellow. A bright, bold, cheerful yellow — not marigold, not celadon — there should be no mistaking this fresh, lemony yellow.

I felt I should decree that shouldst such bag be bold in hue, said bag shalt be structured and not unstructured. Thine form shalt hold its shape regardless of surrounding environs, and shalt not shift its shape in case of changing environs. Thou shalt be at least 10 cubits (ok, I’ll take inches) in width and 5 cubits (or inches) in depth.

It should be leather. The leather needs to smell like leather, which means it cannot be patent leather.

It must be a satchel.

And after hours of groggily surfing the web, I identified a few candidates but was wary about transacting a big(-ish) ticket purchase sight unseen. What if the bag is bigger than I thought? Clumsier? It’s leather not the right texture?

If only there were  a handbag goddess to whom I could submit my criteria, and my supplications would be answered in the form of a beautifully packaged box, wrapped in paper without tape the way they do it in Japan, with an incredibly cute dustbag that you might mistake for an adorable shopping tote.

When I was single and bored and would think, “I wish there was some new guy for me to like.”

I always had a framework: he has to be smart, but not crazy; funny, but still laugh at my jokes;  attractive but not prettier than me.

I wished there was a guy goddess to which I could just submit my criteria and have it fulfilled. The accompanying adorable shopping tote would have been nice too.

I did eventually find the right guy, though he did not come with an adorable tote and is prettier than me. Which is why now I must shop.

Anyway, I submit now to the internet goddess and hope that something comes of it. I suspect that nothing will, given that I am posting this on a food blog, but the internet is a wondrous thing. If you’ve seen this Most Beautiful Bag in the World please send me a link.