All the Good Blog Names are Taken

When cleaning should suck

May 24, 2008 – 4:28 PM

I’m not a vacuum-cleaner hobbyist. I don’t particularly like to clean. But I found myself recently in need of a new vacuum, after my old Kenmore lost its suction despite making Darth Vader type noises. Those of you who know me won’t be surprised that I spent hours doing research to find my optimal vacuum cleaner — one that balanced performance with value. (I will spare you the details of my analysis, but for those of you in the market for a great professional-level flat iron I would recommend the Sedu: http://www.folica.com/Sedu_Ionic_Cera_d1560.html)

Here were my criteria:

Vacuum cleaner must be lightweight. I don’t like cleaning as it is, and can be easily deterred by something as simple as lifting a heavy vacuum cleaner up the stairs.
Vacuum cleaner should last a long time — 10+ years. I don’t want to be researching vacuum cleaners again any time soon.
Cleaner should work on both hard surfaces (wood floors, slate) and carpet (I have relatively low-pile carpet).
Bonus points if it’s cute.
Less than $500. I’m not a cleaning pro.

My research resulted in the purchase of a Miele S4 Galaxy Series Carina S4210 cannister vacuum. I love it. It is quiet. It is cute. It’s yellow. It sucks like nobody’s business. At $389, it’s the lower-end Miele but all the reviews point to its reliability (I almost went with an Electrolux cannister — my parents have had an Electrolux for the past 30 years that is still going — but read that since Electrolux was purchased by Eureka, they suck a little more and not in a good way. Apparently, leaving the vacuum plugged in when not in use can cause shorts, resulting in a need for frequent repairs). It’s good on both floors and low-pile carpets / rugs, and has six settings. If you have shaggy rugs, you’d probably want to upgrade to some of the higher end models. Even the guy at the Oreck store said that he liked Mieles.

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Food Popular Travel

All food, all the time

April 30, 2008 – 5:36 PM

I just got back from a business trip to Colombia. You will be pleased to know that because of the constant attention of four bodyguards, a bullet-proof car, and an approximate net worth of $50, I was not kidnapped. I was, however, fed, gargantuan proportions of food, approximately six times a day, with an average of four desserts per sitting (I do not exaggerate). To the right you can see a photo of what was an appetizer…that came before the appetizer that came before the main courses followed by the four desserts. By the end of the trip, I was simply too fat to be kidnapped — no kidnapper could possibly afford to keep me alive given my new nutritional requirements. One of my most enjoyable experiences included shopping for handbags at a mall while accompanied by bodyguards. I believe the appropriate word for that is “weird”.

While we were there we had lots of delicious local fruits and vegetables, which were purportedly pesticide-free. They also appeared not to be genetic mutants, which was a nice change. When I got back a few friends and I got together, and the Oprah-watchers among us brought up a recipe for a pesticide cleanser. See here for the recipe. Apparently this is for people who don’t want to be slowly killed by pesticides, yet are also unwilling to pay for organic fruit (I sometimes fall into this camp). I was concerned that the vinegar would make the fruit taste disgusting, but a friend of mine tested it and said it was just fine…the only downer was that she had to plan 10 minutes ahead before serving fruit.

So, spray away! I plan to make the concoction sometime in the near future (you can get the grapefruit seed extract from health food stores and the usual suspects). If you make it, let me know how it goes! Then again, do you really want to live into your hundreds?

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Beauty Health

You know you’re fat when…

March 31, 2008 – 9:31 PM

You go to talk to a gay guy at work, and instead of making eye contact with you he makes waist contact with you — he stares at the muffin-top above your pants the entire time.
Someone sets up a meeting using Outlook and lists you as the location.

Both these things actually happened to me this week.

I hate exercise. This was moderately ok when I wasn’t middle-aged and when I lived in a city and was forced to walk everywhere, but now on occasion I even have debates with myself on the merits of getting up from my seat to go to the bathroom versus…just not. If I were an animal I’d be a sea anemone. I’d have a symbiotic relationship with organisms that groomed me and would wait for food to come to me.

There was a time when I ran. I only run when I’m depressed. Anyway, I kept waiting for this “runner’s high” I kept hearing about. Maybe it’s just me, but unless runner’s high consists of severe cramping and the flab on your face actually detaching from your bones due to all the turbulence, I never got runner’s high.

I live in Southern California, so I have to spend a good part of the year in a swimsuit — and often times, sadly, in front of people I know. So instead of addressing the root of my problem, I ordered 6 tankinis to try on, figuring, the more coverage, the better. I ordered them from Victoria’s Secret, which I knew right off the bat was a really bad idea. It is impossible for me to tell what those swimsuits actually look like because, unlike the models, I do not have breasts that resemble a grown person’s buttocks. In fact, I could have stopped the last phrase five words in. But I’d venture to say that outside of Southern California, most people don’t look like that. So, it is not possible to tell what the swimsuit actually looks like on any normal person based on the photo. As such, it was shocking when I actually put them on. The most fitting phrase would be “female wrestler”. I didn’t think this was possible, but I looked even worse in those tankinis than in a bikini with my midsection exposed.

My new strategy is to appear in locations where I am comparatively in shape. For instance, our next vacation is going to be in Palm Desert. Next to most octagenarians, I look young, firm, and in shape. I appear lively and full of energy.

Anyway, I eat well and I try to be healthy minus that moving-around part. You can’t win ’em all.

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Health Home

It Ain’t Easy Being Clean, Either

March 26, 2008 – 10:33 AM

Ok, sorry for the posting mishap. I think I just made a blank posting. Not that that’s any worse than my usual postings.

I’m at home today because theoretically we are getting recessed lighting put in. I say theoretically because the electrician is 2.5 hours late. He called about an hour and a half ago to say that he was going to be here in 30 minutes. It seems (see my previous post) that if left home alone, I stray to the dark netherworld of cleaning supplies. Since I’m down to my last few drops of the Method cleansers I bought a few months ago, I found myself on this website: http://eartheasy.com/live_nontoxic_solutions.htm . Inspired, I decided that I was going to refill my Method bottles (recycling) with some of these non-toxic recipes (cheap). Going down the supply list, though, the only recipe I could make with what’s in my house was a 1:1 water/vinegar combo. Then, to make myself feel more commercial, I put in a few drops of red food coloring (which promptly stained my hands to a murderous hue as the bottle, which had been unopened since 2003 which was the last time I baked, exploded). Then, I gave my counter a squirt. I was pleasantly surprised at how little it smelled like vinegar — and then thought it might be nice to add a few drops of essential oil for fragrance next time (which I would have done if I had any).

Anyway, I’m really excited about these cleaning supplies. They’re cheap, and they won’t kill you!

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Health Home Uncategorized

It Ain’t Easy Being Green

February 18, 2008 – 9:00 PM

So over the past few years I’ve slowly begun to go green…not for the right reasons, like caring about the environment or anything, but to satisfy one of my neuroses: I have this thing about efficiency. I can’t stand it when things aren’t efficient. Once when I was in college (and obsessive about recycling; again, because I can’t stand waste) I had a dream about eating paper. I was eating the paper because it was too inefficient to throw it away.

I was home from work today because my kids were both sick. It’s a really good thing that I’m not a stay-at-home mom because I ended up buying $75 worth of household cleaner (Xtreme Kleen)from a door-to-door salesman after he drank some of the all-purpose-cleaner to prove to me that it was non-toxic (and biodegradable, and environmentally sound, etc). But I just wanted him to stop drinking the solvent. I had already purchased some Methodcleaning supplies thinking that it would be better overall for all of us (including the housecleaners I have) to have more environmentally and theoretically safer products. $75 later, I started doing some research on cleaning products. Here’s what I found:

Manufacturers of cleaning supplies are not required to divulge their ingredients. This makes it kind of hard to figure out if what you’re buying is good for your health or the environment.
Biodegradable and environmentally friendly does not equal good for your health. For instance, a lot of biodegradable products (like butyl cellosolve) are fine for the environment but can cause a whole host of problems for humans (like liver and reproductive damage, to name a few). Butyl cellosolve happens to be in many household cleaners, including Xtreme Kleen and other more common brands. Method didn’t disclose particulars; their ingredient list says things like “biodegradable solvent”. Hm.
There are no regulated labels for claims like “environmentally friendly” and other phrases that make things sound like they’re good for you / the earth. I bought some “environmentally friendly” laundry detergent and the ingredient list was no different from the Costo Kirkland brand laundry detergent I had purchased previously.

So what’s a girl to do? The best thing to do is to live in filth. No, actually, the safest thing to do (which I have yet to do, and maybe I’m willing to risk my health in order to optimize idle time) is to make your own household cleaners. If you’re inspired to do this, here‘s a link. It is a whole lot cheaper, but — let me know how it goes.

Since I won’t be making my own household cleaner in the next couple of hours, I was looking for some easier efficiency projects to concentrate on. A few months ago I already switched out 1 in 3 of our lightbulbs for energy efficient types. Surprisingly, it made a pretty significant dent in our electric bill. More efficient! I stumbled upon my latest idea on the National Geographic Green Guide site. I haven’t subscribed yet to the Green Guide because 1) I’m lazy and 2) it seems counterintuitive that I would subscribe to this thing that is printed on paper, but I’m sure I’ll get over that. The idea is to stop using paper napkins at dinner. I do happen to have about a thousand cloth napkins that get used about once a year sitting in the linen closet upstairs. I don’t know why I never thought to actually just use them. I mean, I have to do laundry anyway, so why not. And I’ll argue that I don’t have to press them because I’ll use up less energy using them wrinkled.

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Parenting

Mean Girls

January 29, 2008 – 7:16 PM

It’s been a while since I’ve posted, but since then I’ve been 1) to Asia, 2) working, and 3) to Disneyland. I will write about none of those right now, but I did want to talk about something else. My oldest daughter, Amelia, hasn’t wanted to go to school lately — and I’ve recently uncovered that she has a bully! It’s like Mean Girls, Preschool Style.

She used to be friends with these two girls, but they have turned on her and now make her miserable. I am totally reliving all the stuff I would just as soon forget. The good news, though, is that having had 36 years of formulating come-backs after the fact, I am now much better at them — so I have been working with her on rehearsing comebacks. Like when one girl tries to scare her by saying that there is a ghost in the room, and I told her to say something like, “Yes, there is a ghost, and it’s your smelly fart!” Or when a mean girl tells her that’s she’s a nincompoop, I told her to say “I know you are, but what am I?” (that, I know is not very original). I was going to make her wear these funky striped pants (that I would wear were they in my size) but she refused since one of the mean girls makes fun of those pants, so I actually reconsidered (remembering what my mother made me wear) and put her in khakis today.

This is not as bad, though, as a case I know of (I think this took place in second grade) where the mean girls, also ex-friends of the victim at hand, invented a play about the girl they were being mean to. I guess at least nobody created an adaptation of Ulysses for use in my ridicule.

I am realizing that, in a sort of reincarnation, I am going to have to go through everything all over again — the mean girls, the awkward phases (though no one can outdo me on that one), rejection and bad tempers…I can’t wait.

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Parenting Whining

Mew, mew, mew

November 15, 2007 – 6:47 PM

I am totally over-extended at work. I am having conversations at home with my 2-year-old along the lines of: “I am going to be on a conference call. Do not scream during the conference call. If you scream and disrupt my conference call, I will lose my job and we will not be able to live in this house and have to live in a canyon.” [read with a teeth-clenched-together type of tone]. Following this type of conversation, 2-year-old screams while I run around the house to get away from her so I can pretend like I have everything under control. I sometimes wipe my kids’ butts while on calls, sprinting away as the toilet flushes.

So it’s 1 AM on a Friday night, and I just wrapped up my work for the night. In the past few weeks something has happened wherein I have completely lost the boundary between home life and work life. I’m still trying to figure out what happened, but most likely my need for approval and praise resulted in me agreeing to several assignments which are technically not possible to complete within the bounds of my normal work day. That, and we’re coming up on one of our peak periods in our business cycle. That, and a few days ago I had one of those days where everything exploded (Venture partner freaks out at legal liability and drops our very profitable deal! In-house counsel stands me up several times for meetings on time-sensitive matters! Other parts of organization made decisions without informing me that significantly affect my ability to meet targets! I spill my entire lunch on the break room floor!), so I am really not feeling like I’ve got very much under control at all.

Don’t even get me started on this new, humongous, spontaneous mole that appeared on me. I am about to develop mountainous hills of cystic acne all over my face. Happy Thanksgiving!

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Home Uncategorized

Pressaire

November 1, 2007 – 10:42 PM

There has been silence, I know. Another fire, perhaps, you ask? No, just catching up on work and looking vacantly at my messy house, which looks, incredibly, like a natural disaster hit it. It did not.

I have a heartwarming story to tell, but I’ll save it for a time when I have a little more energy. So for right now, I’ll stick in an excerpt from an email I got from Brandweek – The Daily Insider (dated today) about a potentially nifty new product. Check it out. Let me know if it works. I think plungers are disgusting.

WE FEEL {see comment for detail}: We got a pitch from a California company that wants everyone to know “Pressaire is a completely new, simple, and easy way to unclog a toilet without contacting the toilet water or clog.” (Ew. The “Clog.”) At the Pressaire Web site you can see an illustration of the device which resembles a big-blue Whoopee Cushion. You’re apparently supposed to lay it over the commode, then press the seat down on it to release a burst of high-pressure air that will allegedly clear the blockage. (We say allegedly because we couldn’t get the video to play; tried several times.) The only thing that would make this a GREAT product would be if it also made a Whoopee-Cushion-like noise while working. Yes, we’re 12; why do you ask?

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Parenting Uncategorized

Fire fire

October 26, 2007 – 6:11 PM

So if any of you are wondering, “Why the hiatus from the useless information?” I’ll tell you: I was evacuated early Monday morning because of the San Diego wildfires. It was my first evacuation, though my college roommate and I used to play hypothetical games all the time, like, “If you were in a fire, what would you take with you?” so I did have some preparation. So what did I end up taking? My kids’ toys (especially the key stuffed animals), pillows, blankets and dry food in case we ended up at a shelter eventually, two changes of clothes for everyone, our important documents like passports, house stuff and birth certificates, cell phones / chargers and my camera (I really like my camera. My husband took his bass.). I also packed cotton balls and some water.

Later on, after we left, I saw a list on TV of all the things you’re supposed to pack. They said, “Don’t forget your medication!” which of course was thing #1 that I forgot (for my daughter — I’m not vying for any mother of the year awards). They also said that you should take photos of everything in your house for insurance purposes, which I also didn’t do — though I had my camera so I could take pictures of dogs on the street in case they would help my insurance claim! I’m very lucky my house didn’t burn down (for many reasons). It came as close as six miles away.

The really cool thing was how San Diego really pulled together. Qualcomm Stadium, one of the evacuation sites, had to issue a press release saying that they could take no more donations at their site — there was apparently entertainment for the kids and bands for the adults there. Other shelters who posted for help were similarly bombarded. My husband went to Target and then to Qualcomm to drop off some air mattresses and pillows, and for the most part people were really grateful (except the teenager who hovered around and said, “So are you giving away that computer?”). Friends called friends offering refuge.

The best story I heard was about a guy who was walking on the street with a gas mask (the really major WWII type), a wet suit…and a surf board. That’s San Diego for you!

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Parenting

Photo session

October 18, 2007 – 5:34 PM

So I decided that while my kids are still cute and before I’m too ugly, we should get some family photos taken — professionally. There is also the added benefit of being able to Photoshop me out if necessary.

Ok, faithful readers (um…all four of you?), let me know what you think we should use as a backdrop. We live near the ocean, so part of me thinks that we should do ocean pics while we’re here. Here is a link to what that might look like (see “Melissa and Casey”) — pretend that there isn’t a couple making out on the beach and imagine instead a suburban family of four, including two kids who hate the ocean. And rest assured that I will not be posing for any swimsuit shots, unlike Melissa and Casey who evidently have gym memberships. I’m worried about the wind at the beach — wind in my hair looks less “California girl” and a lot more “hurricane survivor”. Click here to see what it might look like in a park setting. I love all the park colors, but parks are a dime a dozen.

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